An Unexpected Ascension

Suicide might seem like an option now. The world may feel so big and busy while you feel so alone. You feel like no one understands you. Like an outcast, you seclude yourself to the only comfort that seems bearable: solitude. In this space you surf on social media comparing your life to others and wonder why you can’t be as happy as they are. Why can’t I be happy? Memories of the painful past start to hit hard on your chest. You feel lost. You try to talk about it or show your discomfort, but it seems like no one understands you or cares. You feel invisible. You become angry and depressed feeling like you’re treated unfairly.

You’re not happy and you can’t find a way to change it. You swim around trying to find another way out but the more you search, the more you run out of reasons why you should keep searching. You feel a loss of hope. The weight on your shoulders is starting to rub onto your peers and you notice people treating you differently. When you try to speak, it feels like you’re drowning and getting nowhere. You question, why am I alive? What’s the point of me being here? What good am I? No one cares about me.

You pull away and find a place to be by yourself once again, the only place that seems right. You’ve lost trust in others seeing your point of view. You’ve lost sight of why you’re alive and you start to think that life would be better without you…or you would be better without life. You are ready to quit and suicide comes to mind.

Does this sound familiar?

I’ve been there, I know exactly what it feels like to want to commit suicide but I found another way and I’m alive. It wasn’t through calling a help suicide hotline, speaking to a therapist, or taking antidepressants that prevented me from killing myself. It may help thousands of others but for the various times I asked for help, I felt very much misunderstood as if I was a science project that needed to be watched or avoided. I’ve attempted suicide many times, in fact, my first time was when I was 5 years old. Although many have wonderful childhood years with merry go round toys, playtime, and celebrations, I experienced life at a young age much different than my neighbors. The fact is no matter what you’ve been through, depression, anxiety, or any health issues can happen to anyone. As stated by Anxiety and Depression Association of America, “Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in the U.S. 322 million people worldwide live with depression.” and National Institute of Mental Health says, “Major depression is one of the most common mental disorders in the United States.”

More people in the world suffer or have suffered from these problems than not; the biggest issue is that everyone who endures it feels alone, and because it feels that way, people don’t know how to talk about it, be with it, or ask for help. Suicide becomes a taboo that is left with a feeling of shame, self-blame, anger, frustration, and low self-esteem. It pushes people away and creates a disconnection in various circumstances. Then, loneliness sinks in even more, making you feel more isolated than before so quitting life then sounds like the easiest way out. Part of the truth on why you’re attempting to commit suicide is because the pain from the emotions, thoughts, and memories feel unbearable right now and you’re tired of feeling the way you do. You just want it to be over.

The reason why you feel this way is not because there is anything wrong with you, it is because of a misunderstanding. The hidden truth on why suicide seems like an option is because you are holding onto an old belief; to remain the same way it used to be before the pain and you are having difficulty adapting to what life is trying to position you to.

That thing within you that feels like dying isn’t your soul, its your ego. The ego is a concept and concentration of self. Your ego is holding onto the misunderstanding that you can’t accept to live life different than it once was and what it is trying to become. That belief system is something you’ve been holding onto for so long that you can’t see life being different or better than it once was. You don’t want to let go of who you were or what you felt before all of this, and you don’t want to let go of that person, that thing, that sensation, or that perspective that you have been holding onto so tightly before all of this. You don’t want to move forward because you don’t know what that’s going to look like and that makes you feel lost, out of control, and helpless.

Here’s the tough love truth: things will never be the way they used to be. That is the thing that your soul is telling you to let go of; it’s not your physical body, mind, heart, or soul. It wants you to let go of your ego which is holding onto the old belief of who you were and your soul wants you to live into the now: the new.

Death is about an end to a cycle for a new beginning.

The reason why suicide has crossed your mind is because, subconsciously, a piece of you is dying, and that piece is your old self-identity. The reason why you think it must be you is because it is a major part of you, and you are having a very difficult time letting go of who you once were instead of allowing yourself to evolve into someone new. You are amid a powerful transition and in the very beginning chapters of a spiritual awakening. It is not you that is dying, it is an old belief system trying to die so there can be a new belief system.

Do you know what happens when you hold onto expired fruits in the fridge? Mold forms. What happens to the fruit with mold that stays in the fridge? It starts to contaminate other areas of the fridge. The fruit shrivels, losing its vibrancy and color, and it starts to stink. That’s what it’s like when you keep holding onto something that you should let go. It starts to contaminate you making you feel small, losing your joy in all the experiences the world has to offer, and you start to think life stinks.

I’m not sugarcoating anything. This has been one of the most difficult times in your life, there’s no question to that. I’ve attempted to commit suicide several times in my life, I understand what it is you are going through and it sucks! The more you hold onto what you wish or want things to be, when life is trying to pivot you to a different place, you will continue to feel hopeless. You are spiritually being pulled in an entirely new direction that you’ve never been before. You’ve lost the sense of certainty in life but if you’re willing to step into a new life, follow these steps to evolve:

For one to understand the light, one must’ve walked into the dark. There is a reason for everything. We all have a purpose. It may not be what you once thought it was. Once you walk step 7, a new door appears to open an abundance of opportunities that will shine your way and you will then realize how the truth has set you free.

We met for a reason, perhaps this is why. The very thing that got you into the idea of suicide is the solution to get you out of it. It is the unknown aspect of life. The world is so big and full of life, there is so much you don’t know and there is so much for you to explore. If you are to give up anything, give up the thought that keeps you small.

I used to want to give up on life, but because I didn’t, I got to experience things I never thought I could. I’ve traveled around the world, swam with wild dolphins in Maui, eaten at the best pizzeria in Naples, Italy, gone diving at the Great Barrier in Australia, eaten the best pad thai on the streets of Koh Samui, Thailand, surfed with baby sharks in Costa Rica, and found my purpose through helping people live a more fulfilled life by overcoming hardships I’ve gone through. Don’t give up on life. There’s so much for you to experience. Right now, you have no idea of what that is. You have to take a leap of faith and trust me when I say that by letting go of your ego (not life), you will be able to open up doors to enjoy a new life you love. I know it might be hard to think of what that could be, but that’s why I’m here to help coach you through it.

5 Actions You Can Take Today

Write It Out

Let go of all your emotional turmoil on paper by handwriting everything then tear it up in little pieces and throw it away.

Watch This

Watch no other genre, but comedy so it can bring some comical relief to your stresses. Endorphins, a feel-good-hormone, are naturally released when you laugh, and when this happens stress hormones cannot be released.

Step Outdoors

Take a break from being inside and feel the sunshine on your skin in the morning, listen to the bird's sing, and took a look a the details of nature.

Hug It Out

Instead of a handshake, ask for a hug from someone you feel safe with. No explanation needed. Just ask for a hug instead. A hug naturally releases oxytocin, a feel-good hormone. Aim  for 1 hug a day, but 8 would be great! This will help melt your loneliness and deep sadness away.

Dream Big

Write down, draw, and make a picture collage of what you would rather experience in life. These things will become a reality when you dream them because when you can imagine, it is already within you to experience them. You’re only a few steps from having it.

For more in-depth assistance on your personal journey, fill out the form below, and I’ll coach you directly and show you ways we can work together. This is such a common subject that I have helped many people transform their lives, and you can, too.